Install molding to add interest to basic walls

July 8, 2021DIY TIPSLEYLA PEARSON

I’ve been working on this wall molding project for almost four months and it’s finally done!! Geesh. I started it right after I finished the HUGE wall of bookcases in the basement but I kept getting distracted by other projects that were brighter and shinier. 😉

The mud/laundry makeover and the garage clean out and organization took up a couple of those months. And then I was just…well, tired from all of that. A couple of weeks ago I finally started up this panel molding project again.

It took longer than expected because when do a project like this, one thing always snowballs into a million other smaller projects. Every. time. But I’m REALLY loving how it turned out and I’m also really happy I added all of the smaller projects.

When I finished the wall of built ins down here, I knew right away that the other walls needed something:

dark Westchester gray walls and built in

I’ve planned to do these molding boxes for a long time, but knew I needed to wait until after the built ins were done to determine the size.

We LOVE the dark, moody gray we have down here (Westchester Gray), but painting the walls made me even more sure that the wainscoting would look REALLY good:

I had to decide on the design first — I only had three wall sections that I wanted to add trim to. I took a photo of one wall and then added lines using my phone editing.

The traditional two boxes was what I initially wanted to do:

But I thought I’d try out adding one more at the top and loved it:

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I used the simple decorative trim I used in our dining room as well. It’s simple but elegant, and not crazy expensive:

You can find it at Menard’s, Home Depot and Lowe’s. It was harder to find this time though! It feels like everyone in the world is working on DIY projects right now. 🙂

I painted our walls in a flat sheen, but I always use semi-gloss on trim. I painted so many of these eight foot pieces…with brushes, rollers, and then with my favorite find, this little paint pad:

It was great because I could just dunk it in the paint in the can — no need to pour into a tray. It got into the little groves easily and made quick work of the painting. I think I got mine at the dollar store, but this is a whole set! I usually wait until the trim is on the wall to paint, but since I was doing a different sheen I painted before.

I installed the crown molding and then cut scrap pieces of wood in the sizes I needed to space out my boxes. Each box was 3.5 inches away from the nearest wall (except for around the window where I did twice that to accommodate for the drapes).

I spaced each panel two inches from the top, bottom and between each box:

Having those cut helps tremendously…you can easily check to see that everything is spaced out the way they should be. I also checked for level as I was installing them as well.

I finally bit the bullet a few months ago and bought this battery-powered nail gun and it is a game changer! I’ve been carrying around a compressor and fighting the air tubing for 15 years. The cordless nailer is SO much more convenient, but definitely heavier.

The molding needs to be cut at a 45 degree angle because of the detail:

This is why I usually paint after the trim is on the wall — after caulking and filling holes, you have to do more coats anyway:

Although I didn’t caulk at all with this trim. It fits pretty flat against the wall. Get the nails into studs where possible, and for other spots you can nail at an angle to secure it well.

When I was done I knew there were some more things I wanted to tackle. Those skinny molding boxes at the top were crying out for some lighting! I so wish I had all of these ideas in my head when we were building, because I would have added electricity then.

But I didn’t, so I went with my go-to, the battery operated sconces I used in our wallpapered foyer upstairs:

I shared how to add sconces without electricity as well here! It’s such a great hack. These art lights are great — I just don’t love the brass tone. So like last time, I sprayed them a more consistent brass color.

I moved some of the art around, changed up some of the decor and painted the baseboards to match the rest of the walls. At the last minute I also added some additional trim in the angled part under the stairs:

That took me forEVER. The angles were not computing in my head and it was a couple hours of checking angles and going up and down the stairs to the garage to cut. Twenty-five times or so.

I moved the mirror that was here and replaced it with these AWESOME round whicker wall hangings:

Holy cats, I love them so much. So, so much. I want to hang them all over the house! They look so good and you get the whole (huge!) set for under $100.

All of the projects were SO worth it…it looks so good!!:

Dark gray walls with wood and brass accents

I always love crown molding in a room too. It’s a traditional touch that adds so much character.

I love this space most at night when we have the recessed and bookcase lights dimmed and the art lights turned on:

The molding is the perfect finishing touch down here. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times…trim work makes SUCH a big difference for not a lot of money. I spent about $150 for the molding, but it usually costs less than that. (The trim has gone up $2 each since I bought it a few months ago!)

I used a lot because of the three sections and large size, so this project could easily be done for under $100!

Here are a few before and after pics…this space has seen so many DIY projects over the past four years!:

Cozy basement family room with dark gray walls

We are spending more time down here than ever! It’s definitely our favorite spot in the house lately:

I’m so happy to have another project crossed off the list. Now onto easier items like some organizing!

Questions? Here are the projects and items in our basement family room:

Built in bookcase how-to

DIY olive tree tutorial

Crown molding cutting and install tutorial

Changing out the recessed lighting to brighter/more efficient fixtures

Read all about out sectional here

Round wicker wall hangings

Similar floor cushions

Battery-operated art lights

Painting pads

Most of the pillows on the sofa here

Slide in sofa table

Drapes and giant map are from IKEA

Dresser is vintage

Rug was a HomeGoods find years ago

See how I added this panel trim to our dining space here:

And ALL of my wall molding projects over the years here!

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3 Types of Men Who Pull Away (Avoid #2 Like the Plague)

July 7, 2021SEX DATINGLEYLA PEARSON

Men tend to be avoiders when it comes to dating and relationships.

We find it uncomfortable facing our emotions and dealing with them head-on.

So, what do we do instead?

We AVOID them like the plague.

We will literally do ANYTHING rather than deal with our own truth.

And that includes hurting the women we’re dating by pulling away when shit gets a little too real.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could spot guys like this from a mile away and avoid yourself unnecessary heartache?

Let me tell you about the three main types of men who pull away.

As soon as you spot one, walk the other way. This won’t end well.

It doesn’t matter how much you like this guy.

You’re not going to like him very much when he disappears on you without an explanation and breaks your heart a few months later.

If you’re getting the feeling that he’s trying to pull away or push you aside, listen to those feelings and follow them.

Respect yourself enough to walk away.

Why waste your time with someone who isn’t fully committed or into you?

You deserve worlds better than this.

The thing about guys like this is, sure, they might change someday in the future and want to commit to someone.

But you can’t make him want to do that. He has to get there in his own time.

Don’t be waiting around for him to figure it out.

Do you find yourself constantly attracting guys who pull away?

Let me know in the comments below, along with which category of these three guys he usually falls into.

Your Coach,

3 Types of Men Who Pull Away (Avoid #2 Like the Plague)

types of men who pull away

The post 3 Types of Men Who Pull Away (Avoid #2 Like the Plague) appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Two EASY hacks to clear backed up drains

July 7, 2021DIY TIPSLEYLA PEARSON

EASY and inexpensive ways to clean gunk out of a drain

There are two simple and very effective ways to clean to clear gunk and hair out of your drains without using harsh chemicals. And with one method you’ll have everything you need in your kitchen.

One of these drain clearing methods works better in the kitchen on built up foods and fats, and the other works well in bathroom sinks and showers where the clog culprit is most likely from hair down the drain.

We used to grab the Drano (and an even more caustic product once — never again) every time the water started to slow in our sinks. No more! These methods work every time and it only takes a few minutes to use each drain cleaning hack.

brushed stainless faucet white bathroom sink

Why you should clean your sink drains

Well I think most of us understand why. At least we know when sinks start to drain slow they need to be cleared out. But I’m guilty (and I think a lot of us are) of not doing it enough.

In a kitchen, there are fats, oils and other foods that gunk up pipes over time. (Did you know even pasta is bad for your pipes?) In the bath, it’s the dreaded hair. And unless you’re diligent and stay on top of it all the time, clogs happen eventually. If you’re not treating your drains right, eventually you’ll need to clear out the pipes.

And your sink will probably be stinky. Ever had a foul smell in the kitchen you can’t place? This is probably it.

Cleaning out the food goo and gunk

This one is typically used in kitchens where you have the thick build up of fats and gooey food. I used to use the old school method of hot water, then baking soda and finally vinegar to clear a kitchen drain.

But years ago I heard of a more effective and even easier way to get it done…and I’ve never gone back! I try to do this every six months or so, but as we’ve already discussed…drains aren’t usually something I think of cleaning regularly.

You’ll only need a couple “ingredients” to flush the built up food and fats in your kitchen drain.

First up, boil a saucepan full of water. If your drain is already backed up or running slow, you may need to do this numerous times or boil a lot more water to start:

My inexpensive black and brass cookware is still looking great!

Stir a few tablespoons to 1/4 cup of dish detergent into your hot water (less for smaller pan, more for larger pot) and then let the water cool just a bit.

It is not recommended to pour boiling hot water down sink drains that are backed up if you have PVC pipes — if clogged, the boiling water can sit and start to melt the pipes.

Also, a porcelain sink can crack from boiling water.

Yet another reason to do this before your drain pipes clog up!

Pour about a half of cup of salt (any salt will do) down the kitchen drain:

black granite kitchen sink wood counters

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Then wash the salt down the drain with the very hot, soapy water. Rinse with hot water from the faucet:

It works like a dream! It had been ahem…a while since I had last done this and this time we could hear gurgling as the pipes cleared out. They continued to gurgle for about 30 seconds after I poured the combo down the drain.

You can read all about why this works better than using baking soda and vinegar for clearing drains here.

When food isn’t the problem

In bathrooms the problem is rarely from food, but hair instead. Sometimes soap scum too, but hair is usually the culprit. And then soap and goo get stuck in the hair, and well…you know.

This where it gets gross my friends. REAL nasty. I am sparing you the after pictures from the last time I did this in our bathroom.

This plastic Zip it drain clearing tool makes removing the built up hair in your drain SUPER easy. It’s so easy to use and they are crazy inexpensive.

Zip it is the OG of these tools and there are tons of knock offs now. I think this one is the latter:

easy tool for cleaning hair out of sinks

Overall I find the Zip it brand lasts longer than others.

These little doodads are long plastic drain cleaners with little threads that grab all the hair on the way down and back up:

You simply thread it down your bathroom drain as far as you can. No need to remove the stopper.

If it doesn’t easily slide down one side of your stopper, try again in another spot:

Pull it back up and then try not to hurl. If you’re a decent human being who doesn’t let any hair down the drain you won’t notice much. But if you’re like most of us, you’ll need to be prepared for what will come back up the drain.

If it’s been awhile I usually have do this a few times to clear all the hair from the sink. But that’s IT! You’ll be shocked at how much faster your water drains.

And there you go…a clean drain that lets water move freely:

This plastic tool will work on bathtub and shower drains as well.

I would not recommend using this on a kitchen sink drain with a disposal.

Things to consider when using either drain cleaning method:

Remember, (especially if you already have a clogged drain), avoid using actively boiling water in your sinks.
Be gentle! If your drain cleaning tool doesn’t move easily in and out of the drain, you’ll need to jiggle it a bit as you use it. It will get easier to move as you clear out the hair.
Some consider the drain tools to be one use products, but I use them over and over for years. (Unless you are gagging from what comes up and want to throw the whole thing away.) I grab some tissue and grab the offensive clog off of the plastic piece. The only time I ever replace them is when all of the “teeth” have come off the sides. It will still grab some hair, just not as much.
As I mentioned earlier, if your build up is more severe, you’ll need to attempt these methods a few times to get the gunk completely cleared out.

There you go! The easiest ways to clear kitchen and bathroom drains in seconds and with very little expense! Most of the time there is no need to use harmful chemicals to clean out your sink drains and pipes.

**The Zip it brand drain tool is my favorite, but this option comes with even more — you can keep one at each sink!

**This pop up cover prevents hair from going down tub drains and this one is great for shower drains.

Have you tried either of these methods for your clogged sinks?

My DIY jewelry cleaner “recipe” is another favorite cleaning hack!:

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He Doesn’t Appreciate You? Here are 3 Things to Do

July 6, 2021SEX DATINGLEYLA PEARSON

I’m a Significant believer in valuing and loving you initially and foremost before looking for really like.

But when you do get into a relationship, that person ought to make you sense even a lot more wonderful than you presently do.

So, what do you do if you locate your person does not take pleasure in you the way you know he ought to?

Ought to you give him time to deal with up his act? Sit down and converse to him about how you experience?

Ditch his sorry ass, and move on to somebody who is familiar with and acknowledges how lucky they are to be with an outstanding female like you?

Really do not worry, I’ve obtained you included.

If you are sensation unappreciated, here are 3 items to do.

https://www.youtube.com/look at?v=gAZARQ8TCYI

Ultimately, only you will know in your coronary heart if this is a short-term emotion or if something’s basically not ideal in your connection.

If you have been emotion this way for a while now, it may possibly be time to split factors off and say Up coming.

For the reason that the truth of the matter is, you have earned to be with anyone who appreciates you each solitary working day and will make sure you know how liked and adored you are.

I want you to get to the point where you price and respect you so considerably that you will quickly know when a man is not achieving your substantial requirements and have the confidence to say, “I should have far more than what you’re ready to give me.”

Have you at any time felt underappreciated in a connection?

Share your tale with me in the remarks down below.

Your Coach,

PS. If you are completely ready to start out creating guys pursue you for love, then join me on this free webinar to explore the 3 measures to setting up emotional attraction – Sign-up listed here to get started out (it is 100% cost-free).

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Delicious strawberry pretzel dessert recipe

July 6, 2021DIY TIPSLEYLA PEARSON

It’s strawberry season! This crunchy and sweet strawberry dessert is a hit EVERY time I make it! It’s one of my favorite desserts ever. I’m not a big cook so when I share something here you know it’s going to be good and easy. This is so yummy! It’s a perfect combination of sweet and salty, my favorite.

A friend of mine used to make this every time we got together and it got to the point where I would request it. I finally asked her for the recipe and now it’s my go-to for summer get togethers. (But it works ALL year round!)

Strawberry cream cheese and pretzel dessert

Here’s what you’ll need to make this Strawberry Pretzel Dessert:

2 cups crushed pretzels (make sure this is two cups after you’ve crushed them — I actually use a little more)
3/4 cup butter, melted
3 tablespoons sugar
1 (8 ounce) package softened cream cheese
1 cup sugar
1 (8 ounce) Cool Whip
2 (3 ounce) packages of strawberry gelatin
2 (10 ounce) packages frozen strawberries (I use one 14 ounce package and it’s fine)
9×13 pan

To make the “crust” take your pretzels and smash them — I put them in a baggie and pound them:

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Then mix the pretzels, melted butter and three tablespoons sugar:

Spread them into the bottom of a 9 by 13 pan till covered. (This is the pan I use — there’s also a cover that makes it really easy to transport.)

Bake at 400 degrees for eight to ten minutes and then set aside to cool:

You’ll want this to cool down before adding the next layer so I wait until this is out of the oven before continuing.

Mix softened cream cheese and one cup sugar:

Make sure your cream cheese is softened (place in microwave for 10 second increments) to ensure you don’t have chunks.

Fold in the container of Cool Whip:

Try with all your might not to eat it right then. 🙂 Little fact about me — I could (and do) eat Cool Whip with a spoon. Delish.

Spread this mixture onto the pretzels:

Important tip — make sure to spread the cream cheese mixture to the edges and don’t leave any holes. This will keep your pretzels nice and crunchy.

Next is the gelatin — prepare in two cups of boiling water (according to the box instructions, just leave out the cold water at the end). Then add the package of frozen berries:

You’ll want this to set up for a bit — the recipe calls for it to be a egg white consistency. I usually put it in the fridge for five to seven minutes and stir. You’ll be able to tell when the gelatin is starting to set up.

Spread the strawberries over the cream cheese mixture. Let set up even more in the fridge — even an hour is fine.

I’m telling you — this is SO good. I warn you though, it’s addicting. You’ll have some and then need more:

Pretzel and strawberry dessert in trifle bowl

I love the combo of the creamy and crunch and sweet and salty. It’s a lovely summer dish — I hope to make it again with fresh picked strawberries soon!

Have you tried this dessert? Any twists on it that are worth trying? You can even add some blueberries on top for a patriotic look. 🙂

Pin and save this one for later with this image:

Check out all of my recipes here! These are a few of my most popular…

Easy banana bread:

EASY strawberry freezer jam:

No bake peanut butter pie:

Classic sangria recipe:

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Dating vs. Relationship: 13 Differences And What The Title Really Means

July 5, 2021SEX DATINGLEYLA PEARSON

What’s the real difference when it comes to dating vs. being in a relationship?

How do you know if you’re casually seeing someone or if you’re exclusive?

If you found your way to this article, you’re probably feeling a little confused and looking for clarity on your situation. And I get it. Nobody wants to feel like they’re walking in the dark, not knowing where they stand with someone.

You deserve to know.

There’s always that confusing period where you’re frequently seeing the same person. Maybe you automatically see it as a relationship, but you haven’t officially labeled it. It feels like you’ve got something special here, and all signs tell you it’s growing into a genuine partnership. Perhaps you’re apprehensive about having “the talk” too early on and freaking a guy out.

Don’t worry.

In this article, I’ll be explaining the key differences between dating vs. being in a relationship. By the end of it, you’ll know exactly where you stand—no more guessing or hoping.

Dating vs. Relationship: The key difference

dating vs. a relationship

In a relationship, both people must have agreed that they’re seeing each other exclusively and are mutually committed to each other and the shared partnership.

When two people are dating, there’s no agreement like this. Things are more casual, you’re probably dating other people, and there’s a distinct lack of commitment.

However, in real life, things can become a little murky. There’s a grey area in the transition between dating and being exclusive. That’s why I’ve created a list of signs that you’re just dating vs. in an actual relationship.

Signs you may be “just dating”

You’re not entirely comfortable with him.
You still get butterflies around him.
There hasn’t been a discussion of exclusivity.
You spend more time apart than you do together.
You’re still in Little Love Step #5—exploring your options.

You know you’re in the dating phase still when it feels like you’re both still sizing each other up.

Both of you are keen to put your best foot forward at all times. You want to impress one another and hope to carry on seeing each other.

You’ll likely have moments where you feel nervous, self-conscious and sometimes overthink things.

You’re not putting all your eggs in one basket—you’re still deciding whether you’re a good match and want to take things to the next level.

Ultimately, your personal life still gets the majority of your attention. You spend time going out with the girls, enjoying your hobbies, and none of your choices are yet tied to his.

Signs it may be a relationship

You have explicitly had a conversation about commitment and are both on the same page (unless you’ve done this, it is not a relationship!). This is what I call Little Love Step #6 in my dating coaching program, Love Accelerator.
There’s a physical and emotional connection.
Sex becomes more meaningful.
You spend more time together than apart.
You can see this person in your future.

As your connection develops and progresses, you’ll notice a difference in the conversations and interactions you have.

You’ll ask each other more profound questions, there’ll be more vulnerability and openness with each other, and you’ll notice and be attracted to the non-physical qualities your partner has.

There will also be a sense of security. You’re both in tune, and you know what you want.

You make plans and set future goals based on you being in each other’s lives long term. Terms like “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” and “partner” are used as you begin to feel like a couple.

There’s no set timeline for when the shift from dating to a relationship should happen. It depends on both of you, how much time you’ve spent together, and the pace you’re both comfortable with.

However, some guys will never commit, and you don’t want to waste your time waiting around for them to either.

If you feel confused about where you stand, ask. This might feel scary at first, but you shouldn’t be afraid to get clarity on your relationship status.

Any man worth dating will want you to know where you stand and will have no issue being open and honest with you.

So, what are some of the more subtle signs you’re in a relationship instead of just dating?

1. A relationship is more emotional

During the dating stage, there tends to be more of a physical focus. Touching, kissing, and sex that is purely physical. But as the connection grows, emotional intimacy develops.

Of course, you’re still attracted to each other and enjoy the physical part of your relationship, but there’s a deeper level to it now.

Sex isn’t just about wanting to rip each other’s clothes off and enjoy each other’s bodies. Sometimes it will still be purely physical, but generally, it feels more intimate, more special.

This emotional connection can only form when you’ve opened up to each other over time and consciously allowed that deeper bond to develop.

2. Dating feels unpredictable vs. a relationship offers stability

When you’re dating someone, there’s no sense of security or predictability.

Each date you go on may be the last time you see this person—you can never say for sure. And that’s okay because neither of you has committed to anything.

In contrast, a relationship feels secure and stable. There’s a certain level of trust, loyalty, and consistency from both of you.

You know he’s not just going to disappear one day. This gives you a solid foundation to continue building your partnership.

3. In a relationship you’re not interested in dating anyone else

couple on a date

If you’re still on dating apps or websites, keeping your options open, and seeing different people, you’re still in the dating zone.

But if you’re on dating sites and don’t feel compelled to message anyone new, there’s one person in particular you’re dating who stands out from everyone else, and you have no desire to see anyone else; you’ve slipped into exclusivity.

Just be sure to have the conversation, so you know where you stand.

4. Dating means spending some time together vs. in a relationship they’re your go-to person

When you’re dating, you usually plan to see each other one or two nights a week.

But there are plenty of other people that you make plans with to do fun things like head to the movies, go for a bite to eat, head to a local gig, or visit a local art exhibit.

In a relationship, you become each other’s go-to for making plans.

If there’s a new movie out you’re dying to see, you ask him if he wants to go with you. When your friend throws a birthday party and tells you to bring a plus one, you know you’re going to invite him. You also find yourself checking if he’s free before you commit to other plans.

It’s a no-brainer. He’s your go-to guy.

5. In a relationship you’re content doing nothing

Jeffrey Bernstein (author of Why Can’t You Read My Mind) says it best when he claims happy couples are comfortable just doing nothing together.

When you’re still dating and getting to know each other, there’s a tendency to want to fill any gaps with chatter or action. It feels awkward or uncomfortable to sit in silence or do nothing.

And this is normal because you haven’t yet built up that comfort level with each other.

When your plans don’t necessarily involve doing anything, you know things are getting relationshippy.

6. When dating you don’t share everything vs. in a relationship you communicate openly

dating vs. a relationship

When you’re still dating, you don’t feel ready to start telling each other everything. Information tends to be on a need-to-know basis. And you’re still trying not to irritate or annoy each other with quirks or bad habits.

This level of comfort and trust has to evolve organically over time.

But in a relationship, communication seems easier and more open. Not that there won’t be disagreements or issues, but you feel comfortable airing and discussing things—big and small. You always know what’s going on with each other.

If you need some extra help when it comes to communicating openly and assertively with your partner, you may want to talk to a dating coach.

7. When dating the trust is still building vs. in a relationship you can count on them

When you’re dating, you’re not one hundred percent sure you can count on this guy.

For example, you might not feel able to ask them a favor or share something big with them. Likewise, you might feel uncomfortable being on the receiving end of something similar.

But when you feel confident they will be there for you no matter what you need and when you need them, you’ve established a level of trust that is synonymous with the start of any healthy relationship.

8. People dating value their freedom vs. in a relationship you value partnership

One of the key differences between dating and a relationship is people who are dating still value their freedom.

This is clear because they’re still living their lives entirely selfishly and doing what they want when they want to do it.

They can walk away whenever they like and start a new connection with someone else.

People in relationships have moved past this phase and recognize the value of a partnership.

They understand that even though there will be ups and downs, they’re up for working through those challenges together because they believe what you’re building together is worth it.

9. In a relationship you’re okay with them seeing the real you

You know you’re still dating when you feel the need to look your very best and be on your best behavior at all times around them.

You spend solid time picking out an outfit and doing your hair and makeup. Maybe you feel the need to keep quirks and flaws on the down-low—like your obsession with binging on trashy reality TV.

Gradually over time, this need to always be your best self begins to fade.

You’re okay with him seeing you without makeup on or lounging around in sweats with your hair pulled back. And you feel more comfortable sharing those weird quirks that make you, you.

You’ve moved beyond the superficial stage of dating where you worry this person might run if you show them something too real.

10. Dating means you avoid arguments vs. in a relationship, you’re solution-oriented

couple fighting

If you’re dating, you probably won’t have many (if any) arguments because you’re not faced with the challenges and obstacles established couples face.

When you do disagree, you’re likely to avoid arguing and change the subject or have a “fight to win” mentality.

But in a relationship, you become more “solution” oriented. You’ve already committed to each other, so you know you need to find a solution.

Whereas when you’re dating, it’s much easier just to walk away.

And research has shown that navigating conflicts constructively can actually benefit a relationship in the long run.

11. In a relationship you’ve both integrated with each other’s friends and families

When you’re dating, the focus is still on the both of you getting to know each other. You’re not ready to start adding other people into the mix when there’s still so much uncertainty.

You know you’re moving into relationship territory when you start introducing each other to friends and family, especially if the terms boyfriend or girlfriend are casually dropped.

Not only this, but you’ve both integrated with each other’s nearest and dearest.

That means his friends extend an invite to you when they make plans, and your family extends an invite to him when they’ve got something going on.

12. Dating means no labels vs. in a relationship you’ve had “the talk”

Like I mentioned earlier, if you’re dating, you won’t have put any labels on what you are. Whereas in a relationship, you will have had “the talk.”

That means you’ve defined what you are. You’re clear that neither of you is dating other people, and you’ve discussed your future needs and desires.

If you don’t feel like you can have an open and honest conversation like this with him, that’s a red flag that something is off. You should be able to talk about things.

Don’t ever assume anything until you’ve spoken about it and reached an agreement. The last thing you want is to assume you’re in a relationship only to find out he’s still seeing other people.

13. In a relationship there’s commitment from both of you

couple kissing

Dating allows room for a certain level of flakiness and non-commitment. One or both of you are probably undecided and still not entirely giving it your all. And this is normal at this stage.

But in a relationship, both of you are equally committed to a shared goal. You both put in the same time and effort into your partnership and want to see it grow.

How long should you wait before putting a label on it?

First, there’s dating when you’re both still seeing other people.

Next, there’s dating each other exclusively. Some people assume this equals a relationship, but different people will have different ideas about this. Again, it’s all about communicating so you know where you stand.

The final step is being in a relationship where you view each other as partners.

All stages are wonderful and have their joys and challenges.

When it comes to knowing when you’re ready to take things to the next level, it’s about trusting your intuition. Only you will know when you’re ready, and it feels right.

When it does, allow yourself to be vulnerable and have that conversation.

This is Little Love Step #6: setting boundaries for a committed relationship. Without setting clear, healthy boundaries, your relationship is likely to fail.

Don’t apologize for what you want, and don’t be afraid to walk away

Sometimes things will work out, and the guy in question will want the same things you want and be ready to commit.

Other times, you won’t get what you were hoping for.

And although it might feel disappointing in the moment, it’s actually a great thing.

Because it means you can forget about this guy and move on to someone who’s looking for the same things you are and is ready to go all in.

What do you struggle with most when it comes to having “the talk” and voicing what you want?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop me a comment below.

dating vs. a relationship

The post Dating vs. Relationship: 13 Differences And What The Title Really Means appeared first on Love Strategies.

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Brilliant solution to store & protect large photos

July 5, 2021DIY TIPSLEYLA PEARSON

I’ve shared my goal to better organize our (thousands) of photos and school moments and projects a few times over the years. It’s one of my biggest organizational thorns in my side! I’ve never found a great way to store photos, especially in a way that we can really enjoy them.

I’m sure many of you are asking why I haven’t just used photo albums, and I do plan to add them to albums eventually. I haven’t done that yet because we had WAY too many photos to even begin adding them to albums. And so many of them are too big to fit into the albums we have.

You can see how many boxes of photos I had when I shared our organized linen closet a few years ago:

You can see how that started as my “Monica closet” here. 🙂 That didn’t include the larger boxes full of bigger photos as well.

I’m so thankful to have all of these pictures! Most of them are from my childhood and older family photos. Unfortunately I have very little as far as mementos from my youth so these photos are a real treasure!

Earlier last year when the world slowed down, I vowed to take the time to sort through ALL of the photos. I spent many nights going through each box, sorting and decluttering. We had SO many double photos (you youngins won’t even know what I’m talking about!). Remember when you could get two of each photo developed?

I tossed ALL of the doubles and also tossed photos of people I didn’t know. I’m not talking about long lost family members, but childhood friends I don’t remember, or photos my parents took of people I don’t remember at all. (My mother passed away last year and my Dad didn’t want them.)

I decluttered our photos before a few years ago, but it’s definitely easier to let go of more as I get older. 😁

I sorted what I had left into decades and organized them in the photo boxes that way. I cut the boxes down from eight to four!

I still had the issue of organizing a TON of large photos — sized 5×7 and up. I threw all of them into larger boxes like this one so they were all in one spot:

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It’s bugged me that these have been piled up in here instead of organized so we can enjoy them. A few weeks ago I came across the answer to my problems!

I’m not sure if I can adequately describe my love for these simple art portfolios. They are the answer to so many of my paper organization woes! They come in a bunch of different sizes:

various sized portfolios for photos and art

When I got them I knew they would work really well to organize paper items as well. School papers, cards, mementos — anything paper! I have books in the following sizes:

11×17 for large photos and art (they also carry this 11×14 size)
9×12
8×10 for larger photos and paper
5×7
they also have a 4×6 size (two per order)

Each one has 24 pages, room for nearly 50 photos or sheets in each album.

So far I am thrilled with these portfolios! They are super simple and clean atheistically — easy to wipe off and plenty sturdy:

But they also give enough that you can fit a TON inside and they still close nicely. They have held the bulkier kindergarten art projects beautifully. There is a small spine that you could label as well.

I am so very happy with these books. I started with the 8×10 size for my parent’s old photos and pics of my grandparents:

Aren’t they a beautiful couple?

**As I was filling these albums, I realized how sad it would be to have them closed away in these forever. I’m determined to create a wall display somewhere in our house. There’s truly nothing like these vintage photographs and I’m looking forward to showing a few off!

I’ll update you when I figure out where and how I’m going to do that. 🙂

It really is such a relief to have them nicely stored away where they will be protected. AND we can turn the pages like a book and enjoy looking through them now. It’s a huge upgrade from having them piled in a box!

Speaking of boxes…I shared years ago how I had been storing our son’s school art and papers in these large boxes:

storing kid's artwork in boxes for each year

It actually worked GREAT while he was young (after elementary I didn’t keep nearly as much) because I would start a new box every school year. I had it out in our kitchen and would throw in papers I wanted to keep as he brought them home.

But years later…I’ve realized that yet again, they are just sitting there piled up. We never, ever look at them! I wanted to be able to look through them like our photos, so I’ve been using the larger sized portfolios for his artwork:

storing large kids artwork in portfolios

That 11×17 size is perfect for the big art! I’ve used one of the 9×12 albums as well.

Something else occurred to me as I’ve been sorting through these papers…I’ve kept them for ME most of all. I do want our son to have some of these pieces of his childhood, but I don’t have any expectations that he’ll be dying to take them one day when he moves out. 😉

I think when he gets married and has children, he may want them. But for now, this is for me! And that’s OK. With that in mind, I’ve started getting harder on myself to only keep the really cute stuff. I realized after filling one 9×12 book with papers from just kindergarten that perhaps I should let go of just a BIT more. Ha!

These portfolios are such a simple thing, but are a solution I was desperately searching for! I love that the photos and paper are nicely organized and protected, but we can easily access them and enjoy those memories.

I’m not done yet — it will probably take me a couple weeks to get through everything and organize it how I want. But it will be SO worth it!! Then…I’ll just need to get the thousands of photos off my phone so we can enjoy those!

**By the way, I’ll be sharing these and some of my other organization favorites on Amazon Live tonight (Tuesday)! Come watch at 8 p.m. EST and say hello. 🙂 You can see the live here.

Brilliant solution to store & protect large photos

Or you can follow my Amazon Storefront hereand you’ll get a notification every time I go live. If you miss it, I’ll update this with a link you can watch later. (You can see it here! Thank you to everyone who joined!)

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Can You REALLY “Just Be Friends” With a Guy You’ve Dated?

July 4, 2021SEX DATINGLEYLA PEARSON

Can you ever just be friends with a guy you’ve dated?

Let’s say you’ve gone out a few times, and the spark isn’t there.

By the way, this is perfectly natural when you’re dating.

But you enjoyed hanging out with this guy, so a part of you may be thinking, why let that go to waste? Or maybe you’re feeling a little guilty about turning him down, and you want to ease the sting with friendship.

Chances are you’ll have seen men and women manage to be just friends on your favorite TV shows and in the movies. But this is real life.

Maybe you even know a couple who used to date and still have a solid friendship.

So, can it really work?

My honest answer is HELL NO. Here’s why.

You’re probably here because you’re looking for help when it comes to dating, meeting high-quality men, and finding the long-term relationship you desire. Chances are you already have plenty of friends. You’re not looking for another one of those; you’re looking for THE MAN of your DREAMS.

Am I right?

So quit letting yourself get distracted. Focus on what you want, and you’re much more likely to attract it into your life.

Remember, you are always in control of how you choose to use your precious time and energy. So be intentional with it.

Forget friendship. Focus on romance, connection, and love.

I’d love to know what you ladies think. Can men and women be just friends? Has this ever worked for you in the past?

Let me know in the comments below.

Your Coach,

Can You REALLY “Just Be Friends” With a Guy You’ve Dated?

can you just be friends with a guy

The post Can You REALLY “Just Be Friends” With a Guy You’ve Dated? appeared first on Love Strategies.

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The daylight bulb difference {Amazing!}

July 4, 2021DIY TIPSLEYLA PEARSON

Natural light is one of the easiest ways to make a room look it’s best! It shows off the true colors of everything and feels fresh and clean. For years I’d want to recreate that feel in our smaller spaces or rooms without windows, but the yellow tint of our light bulbs made everything feel drab.

Regular warm light bulbs cast a tint on everything that changes the color. Incandescents were the worst offenders, but even some of the energy efficient bulbs nowadays give off that yellow hue that changes the color of the room.

Years ago I found the easy the solution that is (literally) as easy as replacing the light bulb! Enter the daylight bulb…the easiest change you can make to make a room feel fresh and bright! I’ve been adding these all over since I discovered them years ago. I still find spots in our home that would look better with the daylight bulb.

I added this inexpensive wood planked wall on our stair landing soon after we moved in, but the yellow tint of the bulb has bugged me:

This little alcove upstairs gets tons of natural light, so the warm light felt really out of place.

Look at the difference in just a quick change of the bulb!:

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That’s the actual color of our carpet! 🙂 I’ve done this tons of times and it never fails to amaze me how great everything looks!

I don’t use daylight bulbs in every room — I prefer warmer light in our living spaces and bedrooms. But in bathrooms, storage rooms, hallways, closets, laundry rooms…it makes a HUGE difference.

I install them in bathrooms no matter how much natural light the room gets. Our basement bathroom was feeling super dingy with the warm halogen bulbs our builder installed. I replaced those (left side) with the daylight (right), and what a difference!:

If you use these you’ll notice that anything white looks MUCH better with a daylight bulb. And you can see the actual color of the Agreeable Gray paint on the walls.

By the way, in the before the bulb was 100 watts. The daylight was only 60, and still looks brighter!

With both the fan and vanity lights changed out, the difference is huge:

I could be imagining it, but daylight bulbs seem to help to brighten my mood as well. The dreariness is gone, and the fresh light looks so good!

I prefer daylight bulbs that have more bulb and less plastic, like these:

Some LED lights have the plastic base that covers half of the bulb and I feel like those don’t let off as much light. I get a lot of ours at Home Depot (they have a big selection) but you can find them here as well.

I first found these when I did a small makeover on our son’s old bathroom. This is the difference the daylight bulbs made with the old vanity light:

difference between daylight and incandescent bulbs

Isn’t that crazy? I didn’t care for the old glass, even though the new bulb really did help.

Here’s the difference with the new bulb and the new brighter glass as well:

Comparing incandescent and daylight bulbs

We couldn’t even believe how different it felt in here! It was like there was a window opened and letting the sun in.

After I installed these I left the light on, came upstairs and for a split second thought daylight was streaming in the bathroom. I knew there wasn’t a window but my mind was tricked for sure.

The daylight bulbs make everything their true color. This was with incandescents:

Here’s the after:

This is what I mean by the real color of the room. It’s amazing! Daylight bulbs really let your rooms shine the way they should!

They come in different wattages, but overall they are brighter no matter what. In this room I immediately installed a dimmer because first thing on a dark morning they would be way too much. (Most are fine to use with a dimmer, but double check.)

I tell you what — you see a lot more with the daylight bulbs. You know how you think you look pretty good in your bathroom and then sometimes you go out and you’re like, whaaa? Yeah. These show you all of that before you go out. 🙂

Have you tried these “natural light” bulbs in your home? You can see all of my lighting tricks and tips here!

P.S. See that bathroom after I remodeled the whole thing here!:

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Finding The One: 16 Simple Steps To Attracting Him

July 3, 2021SEX DATINGLEYLA PEARSON

Are you ready to find “the one”?

You’re tired of ghosters, time-wasters, and mediocre dates that just aren’t going anywhere. Dating apps and websites have left you exhausted and overwhelmed, and you’re starting to wonder if you’re the one doing something wrong.

Why can’t I find the one?

Does he even exist?

If this sounds familiar, you’ve landed in the right place.

Here’s the biggest secret that most people won’t tell you when it comes to finding the one:

If you want to meet an amazing person, the best thing to do is become an amazing person yourself.

Become the adventurous, go-getting, kind, playful, romantic, and confident person you’re looking for.

When you shift the focus from men to yourself and get clear on the kind of life you want to live and the kind of partner you want to be, you’ll find you start meeting better matches for you and establishing genuine connections that have real potential.

So, if you’re serious about finding the one and ready to shift your usual perspective and approach, you’re in the right place.

Should you even try finding the one?

Did you know that your relationship might be happier and stronger if you don’t believe in the idea of soulmates?

Yes!

One study found that couples who believed in destiny, fate, or soulmates were more likely to break up than those who don’t.

This is because when you believe there is one perfect person for you on the whole planet, you automatically assume that finding the “right” person will form the foundation of a happy relationship.

Plus, this belief will seriously limit your dating options.

You’re likely to reject amazing potential partners who are compatible with you based on the illusion that there’s someone better suited out there for you.

One minor flaw or lousy habit might seem like plausible grounds to reject a guy on, even if he’s potentially great for you.

FYI: everybody has flaws (even Ryan Gossling).

The reality is, life is a lot more complicated than the romantic fairytale you’ve probably been sold.

Finding the one is actually about finding someone you connect with on a deep level who you believe will make you the happiest in the long run. It’s about finding someone you want to share and build a life with, and it’s about accepting that there is no perfect match.

So, if you’ve been laser-focused on finding the one, I invite you to do something a little different.

Forget the idea of there being a “one” and start focusing on enjoying meeting new people, dating, and seeing where things go.

1. Finding the one: Love yourself first

self love woman

You’ve probably heard this saying a hundred times already, but I’m going to repeat it here to give you a much-needed reminder:

You have to work on loving yourself first before you can fully love somebody else.

Let me put this another way: how can you sell something to others that you don’t even believe in yourself?

If you haven’t taken the time to fall in love with your gifts, beauty, and quirks, you won’t know what you have to offer someone in a partnership. You won’t know or recognize your value, which leads to us attracting someone who isn’t good for us or doesn’t deserve us.

This is why building your sexy confidence and building your foundation of self-love is step one of my 7 Little Love Steps.

The truth is, finding the one will never fulfill you the way you desire if you don’t already have a strong sense of self-worth and self-confidence. If you think you’ll feel great about yourself after you find him, think again. This is an unhealthy belief that puts your happiness in someone else’s hands. No one else can truly make you happy—it’s an inside job.

So, are you taking care of yourself?

Do you value and appreciate yourself?

When was the last time you showed yourself love and compassion?

What can you do to love yourself a little more each day?

Make a list and commit to showing yourself at least one act of self-love.

2. Ditch your timeline

Maybe you used to have a timeline for when you would find an amazing man, buy a house, get married, and have kids.

Maybe you still have a timeline like that.

I hate to break it to you, but life isn’t clean-cut like this. It’s messy and wild, and it rarely goes according to plan. If you do things right, chances are you won’t get what you wished for; you’ll get something even better.

Trying to follow a timeline or society’s script for when you “should” do things will only leave you feeling like you’re stuck on a treadmill that you can’t turn off. It will almost certainly leave you feeling miserable.

Even when you get the thing you wanted in the time you gave yourself, you’ll move straight on to trying to check off the next thing.

Before you say it, I know women have to think about timelines more than us guys because your fertility has a window. But don’t let this influence your decisions too much. Don’t try and make a relationship work when it clearly isn’t right. If you’re not on the same page, don’t let the relationship drag on.

Plus, science continues to advance every day. Women have so many more options than they used to. So try and let go of some of that pressure you’re putting on yourself.

3. Finding the one is easier when you figure out what you’re looking for

Wants are different from needs.

Wants are negotiable, whereas needs are not.

You might want a guy who’s taller than you with blue eyes and dark hair. But you might need a man who doesn’t want to get married or have kids.

Wants usually include things like a guy’s job, physical details, and how intelligent he is. Although these things might seem important, you’ll often find that they don’t matter as much as you think they do.

Needs usually reflect the qualities that matter most to you. This includes values, lifestyle, and ambitions. These are usually things that cannot be determined by reading someone’s dating profile or sharing one drink with them.

Now that you know the difference, get clear on what you’re actually looking for. What does your dream guy look like, inside and out?

First, make a list of non-negotiable needs.

If a guy doesn’t tick these boxes, he’s not going to be compatible with you long-term.

You can then make a list of wants, but think of them as nice-to-haves rather than boxes that he must tick.

This is what I call your love vision.

It’s important not to skip this step because when you take time to figure out what you need in a partner, it makes the search a lot easier.

4. Get help finding the one from a dating coach

There’s a lot to know and learn when it comes to dating and finding a real, long-lasting relationship.

So, if the whole idea of dating and finding the one is overwhelming, don’t worry. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to do this alone either.

Enlisting in expert help from a dating coach might be what you need to recognize your worth, start moving in the right direction, and find the amazing man you deserve.

5. Explore your interests & live a whole life on your own

The next step for finding the one for you is to focus on living a full life on your own.

If you don’t have any hobbies or interests, now is the time to find some new ones. And if you already have some, try some new ones too!

Think about what you’ve always wanted to try but never have, or what you’re deeply passionate about, or the things that feel good to do.

The possibilities are endless.

Devoting time to doing things you enjoy is a great way to keep a balanced, whole life. Dating can sometimes become all-consuming and the focus of all your attention—but your real focus should be your happiness.

Developing and nurturing your interests will bring you joy, help you meet new people, and have fun experiences. The by-product of this is it will make you more exciting and attractive to others.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to live an incredible, adventurous life. You can do that today!

6. Be super social

woman dating

If you’re serious about finding the one, you have to commit to being extremely social.

It doesn’t matter if you’re naturally introverted or shy—you can still be authentic, but make sure you’re giving yourself plenty of opportunities to meet new people.

In my dating coaching program Love Accelerator, we encourage you to keep a “Social Score.” This means we encourage you to set goals for how many new people you want to meet and hold you accountable to those goals.

Setting goals like this helps you stay focused and committed to what you want, and it gives you the nudge you need to keep putting yourself out there. Before you know it, you’ll be in a healthy, happy, committed relationship with an amazing man.

7. Use online dating apps effectively for finding the one

Online dating apps and websites can be a great way to connect with new people. The problem is, most people are using them the wrong way.

If you find you encounter many men who seem to flake or ghost on dating sites, there’s a reason why.

Dating apps are a brilliant way to meet new people instantly, but after that, the ball is in your court. It’s on you to communicate what you’re looking for.

I recommend meeting up with someone for a cup of coffee within a week of matching on a dating app.

Some people will be on the same page, while others won’t be. But it’s better to eliminate the flakey guys now than later on when you’ve invested more time in them. Your time is too precious to be playing games or dancing around what you want.

When it comes to setting up your dating app profile, studies have shown small things that can increase your chances of success, including a clear, attractive picture of yourself and a fluent headline message. When it comes to sending a compelling message that leads to a meet-up, what’s essential is genuine interest, quick turnaround time, humor, and an early move from online chatting to an actual date.

8. Enjoy dating

Next comes the fun part: accepting dates and exploring new connections!

We’ve already explored finding new hobbies, putting yourself out there, and using online dating effectively. You might also want to head to singles events or speed dating nights, try a matchmaking service or ask friends and family to set you up with people they know and think might be a potential match.

The most important thing to remember through all of this is to make having fun your focus because dating is meant to be fun!

Even if a date doesn’t go too well or there’s no connection there, look for the positives. You’re getting out of your comfort zone, brushing up on your flirting skills, expanding your social circle, and meeting people from all walks of life.

During this dating phase, don’t forget that you are in the power seat. Don’t chase guys; let them pursue you. Your job is to figure out whether he meets your love vision.

9. Keep your options open

finding the one

I always tell the women I coach to keep their options open during the dating phase.

You’re still going on new first dates, second dates, and maybe even third dates.

You’re talking to multiple men, getting a better sense of who is potentially a good match for you and who you want to keep seeing again and again.

Now is the time to slow things down a notch. This will give you the time and space you need to figure out who you want to take that next step with and date exclusively. Plus, this will naturally make men pursue you harder.

10. Expect to be “rejected”

If you put all your energy into preventing being rejected by anybody, then you’ll never end up putting yourself out there. Dating is all about putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. This is what love is built on.

So, as much as it sucks, you will have to face rejection, whether you’re the one doing the rejecting or on the receiving end of it.

Most of us find this difficult because we take being rejected by someone as a personal rejection. We assume there’s something wrong with us.

Why doesn’t he like me?

This is the wrong way to look at it. Rejection is never usually about you; it’s about the person doing the rejecting. You have zero control over this. And it’s a great thing because it means you’re one step closer to finding the one who’s right for you.

Don’t take it personally. Let it go as quickly as you can, and move on to the next guy.

11. Communicate what you want early on

“Women who ask for what they want are often labeled as abrasive in our culture. But holding back can be detrimental to your dating life.”—Alison Pelz, Psychotherapist.

You can’t create a healthy, functional relationship with a man unless you can have open and honest conversations during the dating phase.

Communication is a skill, and it’s not one that many of us learn deeply as kids. Similarly, being vulnerable can be a great strength, but we’ve learned to view it as a weakness.

Communication and vulnerability are both needed to express what you want and need early on. So, if you like a guy, tell him. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, be open about that. This is incredibly attractive, and it weeds out anyone who isn’t a good match for you.

12. Be authentic (and accept your flaws)

older woman

Being authentic means you’re able to be who you are and feel comfortable with whoever you’re with. But this means you accept all parts of yourself—your strengths and your flaws because we all have them.

One of the best traits for everyone to look for in a potential partner is someone who can recognize their flaws and hold themselves accountable for them.

This is a sign of a mature, emotionally intelligent, self-aware person.

13. Pay attention to red flags!

While we all have our flaws, there’s a difference between a flaw and a red flag. A red flag is a significant issue that will create a problem in the foundation of a potential relationship.

Red flags include:

Depending on alcohol to communicate well, laugh, or have sex
Resisting commitment
He is unable to fully focus his attention on you when you’re with him
Jealousy over you spending time with others
Controlling behavior
It’s a purely physical connection
You only ever hang out together as part of a group

When you spot a red flag, don’t gloss over it, and don’t be afraid to walk away.

14. Build a genuine connection

When you’re on a date with a guy, the best way to build a genuine connection is to be fully present.

That means to give him your full attention and focus. Really listen to what he’s saying. Don’t be thinking about what you want to say after he’s done talking. Actively listen. Most people don’t know how to do this anymore—our attention spans are incredibly short!

If you’re not interested in your date, it will show. So, if this is the case, there’s no point in pursuing it further. But if you are interested, then show it. People can feel this.

Listening intently will help you get to know someone on a deeper level and build intimacy between you.

15. Experience some conflict together

couple fighting

Finding the one is not about finding someone you never argue with. In a long-term relationship, you are bound to disagree and have moments of conflict. Not only is this normal, but it’s also healthy.

What’s important is how you navigate conflict together.

Are you able to communicate calmly, clearly, and with respect, even when you’re pissed off?

You don’t honestly know how suited you are with someone until you’ve had your first big argument and figured out a solution together.

16. Think you’ve found the one? Make sure you have “the talk.”

It won’t be long before you’ve found a guy who you think might be the one for you.

You’ve dated for a while, built a genuine connection, and he shares similar values and goals to you. He meets your love vision, you’ve taken things slowly, and you want to spend more and more time with him.

You’re ready to make things exclusive.

So, the final step is to have “the talk.”

When you’re with the right person, conversations like this should happen naturally and feel easy to navigate. You should both be excited to build a future together.

Remember, if you don’t set clear boundaries like this and make sure you’re both on the same page, the relationship will not be built to last long-term. The very first boundary in any healthy relationship is a commitment from both people.

Are you ready to find an amazing man and the relationship you deserve?

Finding the one—or rather, a fantastic match for you—is all about getting clear on who you are, what you’re looking for, and actively committing to meeting as many new people as possible.

What do you think your biggest challenge is when it comes to finding the one?

Drop me a comment below, and let’s find you the relationship you deserve.

finding the one

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